Do Your Friends/family Sabotage Your Saving?

Discussion in Misc & Others started by ACSAPA • May 17, 2015.

  1. ACSAPA

    ACSAPAWell-Known Member

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    I'm furious today because I've been scrimping and saving to find another apartment after losing my last place due to a rent increase and I feel like my efforts are being sabotaged.

    I've been making sacrifices and denying myself things that I need and want so that I can come up with a security deposit and my ex just waltzed in and borrowed $300 like it was nothing.

    I'm not in a position to say no because he's storing my boxes of possessions in his laundry room while I look for a place and he could easily throw everything I own away. Meanwhile I'm sleeping on my coworker's floor and eating rice to save every penny.

    I feel like I'm being careful with money because I have a goal, but he just feels like he can be wasteful with my money when his bad financial habits put him in a bind.

    Anyway, I've been crying and looking for a storage unit because his supposedly free favor of keeping my stuff for me is starting to get expensive. By the way, his habits are one of the things that led to us breaking up. I would clip coupons and plan meals, and he'd come home with $22 steaks.

    As Thrifty people, do you have any wasteful loser relatives that are always hitting you up for money?
    And how did you handle it?
     
    #1May 17, 2015
    Last edited: May 17, 2015
  2. DrRipley

    DrRipleyExpert

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    I just stand my ground whenever this happens. I'm not married nor was I formerly so though so I can't really say whether or not it would be applicable to your situation but as for my own I do come across these types of people often but I just allow myself to be rude or a bit more blunt and cut throat when it comes to denying them of my finances or favors. I don't really care much what they think of me as long as I, nor anyone I care for, don't go hungry.
     
  3. Denis Hard

    Denis HardWell-Known Member

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    Since your ex has leverage [he's storing your stuff] anytime he wants to borrow money from you, he'll use it against you. The only way to permanently solve the problem is find another place to keep your stuff. I know how hard that can be but if he keeps borrowing money from you then you might find yourself stuck either debt or where you are now.
     
  4. DreekLass

    DreekLassWell-Known Member

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    I have been in the midst of saving money many times before, only to have a family member come in and beg me to borrow some. Now, of course I could just say no. But I don't want any tension between myself and this person, who I see regularly, so I feel like I have to say yes. They pay back, but they don't always pay back on the day that they say they were going to, because they either forget or don't have it.
     
  5. Feneth

    FenethActive Member

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    I never lend money that I wouldn't be willing to just give someone. My mom used to guilt trip me into "loaning" her money to pick up prescriptions that she really needed but never paid me the money back. Once I stopped helping and just suggested that she go to the ER when her pills were out (she really needs them and a missed dose can be an emergency), miraculously, the hospital social worker got her into manufacturer programs for people who can't afford their meds and not she can afford them easily.

    In your case, he's holding your things hostage. I would estimate the cost of replacing those belongings and not give him more than that. Alternately, figure out how much storage would cost because $300 would pay 4-6 months on a small 5x10 storage unit most places so if he's hitting you up regularly, storage would be cheaper.
     
  6. sidney

    sidneyWell-Known Member

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    If I were you, bring the most valuable ones and just store it in your co-workers basement or empty cabinets. Anyway, no one borrows money from me nowadays, but I still get sabotaged, although in a different way financially.
     
  7. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25Active Member

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    My mother always asks for money but I am fine with that since I think it is now the time for me to give back to my wonderful parents who funded me from birth to college. My friends don't borrow money from me too since they currently have jobs now. I think the best way to do when someone asks you for money is to tell them the truth that you are in a tight budget and that you are struggling with money, I think they would understand.
     
  8. radzi

    radziActive Member

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    That's a really really good question. I have to say that I don't have a lot of friends, I barely have one or two and my best friend is basically my girlfriend and her family. I would consider them my family and I'm also very close to my family and I don't think of it as sabotaging. If my family needed money I would give out happily, I trust my family because we have a really close relationship.
     
  9. Pat

    PatWell-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear your are in a rough situation. It is a temporary situation, I know that is hard to hear right now but sometimes you do have to remind yourself that it is temporary that things will change. Find yourself a storage unit or decide if you really need the things that you are storing at your ex's, if not get rid of them which will help you to remove yourself from the relationship. He will continue to take advantage as long as you allow it to happen. Something I learned along time ago, you have to train people to treat you the way you want to be treated, so start training this person it is up to you.
     
  10. Dame6089

    Dame6089Active Member

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    Your situation is a little different and I would suggest making sure there is mutual respect between you and all the people you deal with. But in general I find that you can't blame other people for your finances. You have to be responsible for yourself. But as I said at the beginning, your situation is clearly more comicated than this.
     
  11. Lushlala

    LushlalaWell-Known Member

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    I have to say that i'm pretty firm in saying no to friends and family. If it's tough one to do, but I just say I don't have the money. I know it sounds harsh, but I have been stung a couple of times. -and as they say, once bitten, twice shy :(
     
  12. Rosyrain

    RosyrainActive Member

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    That is a horrible situation to be in and I think you are better off finding yourself a cheap storage unit. The last one I had was bug and it cost me $85 a month. I know you probably don't want the cost, but $300 is three and a half months of storage payments and you don't have to worry about your ex trying to hold your stuff hostage. I had a friend once who borrowed money from me and did not pay me back. I was angry about the whole thing. A few months later I asked him to borrow money so I could pay a bill that needed to be paid...it just happened to be for the amount he owed me. He loaned me the money and I never spoke to him again. At least I was made whole.
     
  13. kristin

    kristinNew Member

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    Kindly say no. The one thing that helps me to know if I can lend money is by asking myself, "Can I afford it if this money is not paid back?" If I cannot answer yes then it does not happen. My brother and sister are in debt by the thousands to my (our) parents. I personally find it very, if not impossible, to ask for help monetarily. I am in a real bind right now and I still cannot imagine asking my parents for help. I am with you. I do not know how people can be so blatant and irresponsible.