My friend and her boyfriend have been together almost 5 years now. They have pretty much been through it all. Although I do not like to get involved with other peoples personal matters, they seem to both be comfortable talking to me about it. I never judge and never play favorites. What I will do is give my own unbiased opinion. Again, it is just my opinion. So lately, they both stated the verbal fighting issues have gotten a little out of hand. This is transpiring from other small issues that are not being resolved. What advice does anyone have for me to give to them. They both asked me if they should break up because the verbal fighting is crazy or should they stick it out because they are still somewhat crazy in love and meant to be?!
So many issues in the world can be resolved through open non-judgmental conversation without rancor where compromises are reached and solutions are worked on together. If your two friends are going to stay together forever, they're going to have to come at these things in tandem rather than from opposing sides which would drive them further apart. They have to want things to work between them and work towards that goal.
Issues can finally build up and hurt a relationship. Point out these unresolved issues and tell them if they really love one another to work on it. They need to communicate and keep an open heart. They will have to also have patience and forgiveness. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years and in that time have only had 3 fights. They did not last more than an hour and we forgave one another. We are able to do this because we love each other enough to be patient. To forgive each other when we're angry and because we are willing to talk it out like adults to get down to the problem causing the anguish. Once we figure it out we both work on ideas to make it better and then we work on it.
First of all I would suggest you not to get too involved with other people's relationship, what will happen if they do break up, you will be forced to choose sides. I don't understand why you should help them with their problems, they should communicate with each other instead of putting you in the middle. I understand they both see you as a friend and want to get their problems of their chest, but be careful. They should not break up if they still love each other very much, want the same things in life and want to work out their issues. If one of them is not 100% committed, they should go their separate ways. Talking is the only way to resolve problems and that is what they should do. My husband and I also used to fight a lot, but we have learned how to fight and know that we say things we don't mean to say during a fight. We are now trying to explain the other our point of view without shouting and blaming. Hope this helps.
Arguments can arise from many situations such as matters that were never resolved. If I were in your place, I'd suggest time apart. And if they live together, move out indefinitely. There's no peace to be found when arguments are around the corner.
It all depends on how they feel. Are they still in love or the feelings are slowly fading away? If it's fading away then the answer is simple. Break up. But like what you said, they are still "crazy in love", right? So I think they should find a way to resolve all of their problems by engaging in peaceful conversations and compromising the needs of one another.
Verbal discussions are normal and certain to all relationships - it's always bound to happen. But of course there are limits. Verbal abuse is never OK, and even more any kind of physical fighting. That is simply crazy if someone is willing to endure that just to stay in a relationship. A relationship needs to be based on love, respect and trust. Of course that is not always followed to a T. But the principles shouldn't change.
Most relationships are broken up due to a lack of verbal communication. Not only verbal communication but a civilised verbal communication. Most problems in a relationship are resolved when the couples go to a therapist. But all a therapist does is to make them communicate better. You can act as the therapist here and sit them down and let them talk it out when you are there. If nothing is resolved then they can break up.
