Aging Parents

Discussion in Misc & Others started by H.C. Heartland • Mar 14, 2015.

  1. H.C. Heartland

    H.C. HeartlandActive Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2014
    Threads:
    246
    Messages:
    874
    Likes Received:
    148
    What is your view on the care of aging parents? I know it often depends on the condition of ones parents but would you ever consider putting them in a nursing home? At what point would you decide you needed to move in with them to begin helping out? How do you care for them if you are out of state?
     
  2. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2015
    Threads:
    10
    Messages:
    472
    Likes Received:
    51
    I don't think my parents would like to be put into a nursing home. They dread hospitals, and nursing home is relatively close to a hospital. They sometimes say they want to retire in the province, somewhere peaceful, because I think they are now tired of living in the city. Whatever they prefer, I'll be fine with it.
     
  3. philipgust

    philipgustMember

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2015
    Threads:
    0
    Messages:
    81
    Likes Received:
    5
    I don't really know yet...
     
  4. Denis Hard

    Denis HardWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2013
    Threads:
    991
    Messages:
    4,335
    Likes Received:
    790
    When my parents are too old to care for themselves I'll have them move in with them. Initially though since they never were there for me when I needed them most I'd considered paying them back in kind but when I realized that vengeance wouldn't give me the love I never got when I was a kid, I decided to forgive, forget and teach them, practically, [when it's the right time] what real love is.
     
  5. Pat

    PatWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2012
    Threads:
    66
    Messages:
    2,725
    Likes Received:
    328
    Aging parents care is big business because so many people have children of their own and a job. Having a person to come in and help out helps the son or daughter that is caring for their aging parent to still have a life. More older people are trying to stay in their own homes as long as they can to keep their independance.
     
  6. H.C. Heartland

    H.C. HeartlandActive Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2014
    Threads:
    246
    Messages:
    874
    Likes Received:
    148
    This kind of love is very impressive to me. Recently I met a pair of young men who had been raised by their alcoholic father. The mother was several towns away and had little to do with them but raised their other children. The father died and that same year, the mother got in a horrible accident that left her unable to walk and needing care. The children she had raised were not good at caring for her so she decided to go live with the two sons she did not raise. They took her in with open arms and now the three of them are living very happily in a small home. I think we can learn a lot from this type of forgiveness. I don't know if I would have been that kind but I can see that they have all benefited from the act of love shown.
     
  7. thenextGeek

    thenextGeekActive Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2012
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    529
    Likes Received:
    44
    Nope. Never.

    My parents aren't that old yet but I would never put them in a nursing home. My told me before that when she and my dad got old, they don't want to live in a nursing home that's why I won't put them there. They have a patch of land in the province where we are planning on building them a home. They both came from the countryside which is why they're always seeking the smell of fresh air the overall feeling that only a countryside could provide.

    Being an only child and the only one that my parents could count on when they're older, I'll make sure that I provide them the best environment during their golden years. :)
     
  8. Lushlala

    LushlalaWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2014
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    2,799
    Likes Received:
    824
    Care homes for the elderly are a very "foreign" concept to us in Botswana. We don't have them here, I mean there's not even a single one. There's a strong family and community spirit of looking after your ageing parents, if they'll let you! Some are very feisty and insist on doing their own thing.

    This may sound silly....IDK but here the elderly just keep getting older until it's their time to go; without ever needing the specialist care and attention that the elderly receive in care homes in in the West. I mean other than the usual ailments that are naturally brought on by the ageing process. We take them to the doctor, they get seen to and they go back home. What usually happens is that they move in with one of the kids, some will rotate among their children.

    When my grandmother died at 100+ she was still independent, and insisted on living on her own, although she did have a helper in the latter stages.To see her, you wouldn't have thought she was that old.
     
  9. Theo

    TheoWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2014
    Threads:
    308
    Messages:
    2,880
    Likes Received:
    727
    I'm currently helping mine and watching them be so old is hard and hard for them as they struggle to do things that they could easily do before. Right now I am with them so I can help them, but I'm not sure what will happen as they are still able to do things, just very slowly.

    My mother doesn't want to be a burden and says she'll go into a home if she has to, but I hope that never happens.
     
  10. IcyFirefly

    IcyFireflyActive Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2015
    Threads:
    1
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    28
    I am currently running back and forth to my mom's house to care for her. Grocery shopping, household chores, doing what I can to help her. She is 89, and she still able to care for herself. She refuses to go into nursing home, and I don't see any reason to put her there. If worst comes to worse, I think we will get in-home care for her instead.
     
  11. xTinx

    xTinxWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2014
    Threads:
    8
    Messages:
    1,793
    Likes Received:
    191
    I can never find it in my heart to leave my parents in a nursing home, to the care of complete strangers. They raised me well for more or less 18 years so I should return the sacrifice when they can no longer fend off for themselves. Besides, my parents are complete health buffs. They're doing their best to maintain their youthfulness through herbal supplements, exercise and a great deal of laughter. I don't mind a big extended family, anyway. The more, the merrier. That empty nest thing? It's just a myth in my family.
     
  12. Lushlala

    LushlalaWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2014
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    2,799
    Likes Received:
    824
    I once saw a documentary that really broke my heart. They were interviewing the elderly on their views on going into care homes and the common theme throughout, which struck me as very interesting; was that none of them wanted to be a burden and would go into care homes for that reason! This suggested to me that if they had the choice, they wouldn't go there.

    Yet many people insist it's for their care. I'm not sure what specialist care you need for an ageing relative, over and beyond the standard medical care. That's of course unless they have a serious, debilitating illness; which again would surely require them to be in a hospital as opposed to a care home for the elderly. I can't really understand it, and can't help but wonder if people sometimes put their elderly people in care homes for their own selfish reasons?
     
  13. owesem75

    owesem75Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2014
    Threads:
    6
    Messages:
    216
    Likes Received:
    17
    I will never... ever... put my parents to a nursing home. Either they join me in my own house... or I will join them in theirs. Parents are second to GOD. They brought us out to this world and took care for us when we were still young.. I love my parents and will do for the rest of my life.
     
  14. sidney

    sidneyWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2012
    Threads:
    110
    Messages:
    5,621
    Likes Received:
    378
    I am not in good terms with my lone parent since my mom had already passed away more than a decade ago. My dad is mean to me in a sick kind of way and he told me he has made my bro the sole heir of his house. So to be honest, I leave that decision to his favorite son and his siblings.
     
  15. Lushlala

    LushlalaWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2014
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    2,799
    Likes Received:
    824
    Aww Sidney, that's really sad to hear! I hope that you at least have a healthy relationship with your siblings. We all need a support network in our family, especially our parents; so I can't imagine how you must feel.
     
  16. H.C. Heartland

    H.C. HeartlandActive Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2014
    Threads:
    246
    Messages:
    874
    Likes Received:
    148
    While I agree with everyone's thoughts I must defend those who might have made the decision for medical reasons. I'll give the example of my own grandmother, she is still alive and took care of her husband for over a decade at home. He suffered from MS and was bed ridden towards the end. She desperately did not want to put him in a nursing home because she said, 'He will die in there'. Sadly, she began to fear that neither her nor her family could give him the type of medical care he needed. She feared more harm would come to him. So for this reason, she allowed him to be put in a nursing home. But he died shortly thereafter. Maybe it was his bodies time, but if he had been at home with her she might have blamed herself, so I can see why she made the decision. I do think it is hard for some children to care for their parents while other families have a stronger structure making it easier to do. The cultures who do all the care giving as a whole, are far better off. When you have a decision to make then I think it makes it harder.
     
  17. sidney

    sidneyWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2012
    Threads:
    110
    Messages:
    5,621
    Likes Received:
    378
    Lol, my bro is even worse! He manipulated my dad to favor him and to have the house to himself. He will do anything when he can benefit from it, especially money and he is a whore for special favors. He is manipulative. Like what they say, birds of the same feather flock together, and I'm the odd one out. When I'm able I will be happy to live own my own away from them. ;)
     
  18. Lushlala

    LushlalaWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2014
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    2,799
    Likes Received:
    824
    That's awful, Sidney! I'm glad to see you're not letting it drag you down, that you're being strong. But it can't be easy. Good on you! If you've not done anything wrong, you certainly don't deserve this and you'll have a clear conscience. They do say karma is the biggest of b******! I'm sure you'll be just fine :)
     
  19. sidney

    sidneyWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2012
    Threads:
    110
    Messages:
    5,621
    Likes Received:
    378
    Yup, one day I'm sure karma will avenge me, but hopefully it would be in this lifetime and not the next. Some people are really immature and crazy, that's all I can say. Don't judge a book by it's cover! :)
     
  20. Pat

    PatWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2012
    Threads:
    66
    Messages:
    2,725
    Likes Received:
    328
    It is easy to say you would never put your parent in a home but you really can not say that. The parent may become too ill and you can not care for the parent. If the parent can not be left alone you will have to do something to care for yourself and the parent, as more and more people are turning 65 people are realizing 65 is not old and we will live to 80 and more. I think the key right now is to stay as healthy as you can and make plans for the day you may have to say ok now I need to get help.