Well, speaking of emotion I guess there is going to be no way for my family to avoid giving into them. My grandmother died yesterday. Not quite sure when the funeral is going to be, but everybody is going to be an absolute mess. We all knew it was coming - my grandmother had even stated, two months ago, that she didn't have long until it was her time to go, and today she died around 2pm. Cardiac arrest. Even the most hardened of my uncles and aunties have been balling all day, along with everybody else in the family. Hopefully this will bring us closer. We are all going to need to rely on one another after losing her. I feel like I lost half of my childhood, since she was basically a second mother. My mother hasn't broken down yet; still in shock. She just keeps staring at me with these wounded eyes that won't leak. I feel so sorry for her and my aunts and uncles because their mother is essentially dead. This will definitely bring us all closer together though, and emotions are going to be unavoidable, which is a plus.
Omg S, I'm so sorry This will definitely be a time to come together and all the worries will seem so small. Another new perspective to absorb. Losing my grandmother was like losing a mother too.. I know what a blow it is. Death brings with it so many new lessons and changes and I hope, and I'm sure your grandmother would hope, that they're all for the better in your family. My deepest sympathies to you and everyone who loves her xoxo
Yeah that was my first reason for Christmas not being as enjoyable. Mine had passed years ago but it is still hard to find magic in it since then. She was basically my closest family member and not to mention I had lost her as a teenager so she never got to see me grow up. It's like my life immediately fell apart after that. I miss her the most on holidays.
I'm pretty neutral when it comes to Christmas, since having to give gifts to others can be a hassle, and the crowd and the heavy traffic leaves you feeling tired and drained. When I was a kid, I looked forward to it though, because it was the start of Christmas vacation and I get to have Christmas gifts.
Thank you, Josie It's the third day now, and I am getting used to the idea a little bit more. It is so strange. It is definitely a blow. I can't seem to focus on anything at the moment, even things that I really enjoy. Not even Marijuana is helping to remedy this lol. But I can look at you, and know that you still experience happiness despite having been through the same thing. That just tells me that life goes on, if that makes any sense. People will and can smile again.
Not to minimise your feelings on this.. at all! Because I totally understand. But, at least for me, I found it's all in the way you look at things. Once my Grandmother died, my whole world changed. She did most of the consistent parenting, we spent months on end at her home while my mother worked to support us on her own.. my grandmother was my stability and the one who taught me what it even meant to be a woman. She is kind of where I begin if that makes sense. And she was born on Christmas day! lol. I did mope for a while.. I was a moody teen as it was (when I was home anyway) and losing her turned everything upside down and for a few Christmases, I was bitter that I was spending it with people I didn't want to spend it with.. I hated change, it needed to be exactly as it always was. But then you have to make a choice. Do I feel good being bitter or sad? Absolutely not.. it seems obvious. Would I rather feel good? Of course! We do have control over what we do with our situations and looking at the negative is a choice.. of course we're going to be sad or lonely or moody during the holidays if we focus on WHY we don't like the holidays. My grandmother would be devastated if she knew her death changed me negatively.. she taught me better than that. She would be sad to know my Christmases were essentially ruined after she left. And I missed the magic of Christmas that died with her, so damned right I brought it back. I didn't have to miss it.. I have every opportunity to make it great and make it great for those around me, just like she did, when she also suffered from losses and life changes that could have ruined her holidays.. but she gave me the most amazing holidays anyway. And herself, despite the losses we ALL carry. She brought the family together; she was the glue. I celebrate for her as much as I celebrate for my children now and even before I had children.. I made the holidays great and felt the magic again, because I chose to look for it over the burdens I carried. You're always justified in your feelings.. but if you don't like them, you can always try to change them. If you want to love Christmas again, you absolutely can Life does go on.. and at first that feels so wrong lol. It feels like time should stop for those who pass and it's kind of hurtful when you go outside and nothing is still for her. At least, that's what I've felt in my experiences. It was like after 9/11.. we felt it here too. I went outside and I swear everything was still.. life wasn't going on, everyone was sad and still and thoughtful.. THAT's what I expect after a death; but of course it never happens. then soon we join those around us and equal their pace and life is back on track again.. even with the new sadness in there. You can totally learn from people like me (lol I know how that sounds). You can skip right to the happy choices. And I know you know what I mean and that I'm not telling you can't feel sad she's gone. You're a good between the lines reader, I know you get it lol. These experiences are the times we're given the choice to stay down or get up with new perspective and use it to better ourselves and our lives. Sadness is expected.. it's what you do with it that matters. So many big cheesy virtual hugs!!!! lol... you should believe in Santa with me now; make the holidays awesome in honour of such awesome women
