That's awful I think we all have those stories.. but it sticks with some of us on some level more than others. I had a similar experience with math. I was embarrassed in front of the class on a couple of occasions (more stage fright than not knowing the answer) and that embarrassment destroyed math for me. I think subconsciously, anything that might have me focused on, I stayed away from or sabotaged. I was a very shy child.. you don't make a shy child center of attention like that.. especially to make them look stupid. Ever since then, my mind just shuts down where math is involved lol. Or it did until I started homeschooling. I'm no mathematician, but my kids do just fine. I'm no teacher either and here we are.. well above our "grade levels", not that it matters. My kids don't attach their worth to things like that. No anxieties, no threats, no pressure.. I wish I had been given this chance when I was young. I would have skipped right over the angry, rebellious years. People think that it's just a part of adolescence, but it's not. School is not a place of respect.. nor are most homes. My kids are proof that the stigma is BS. They have absolutely nothing to rebel against because they feel safe and respected. And because of that, they excel in everything they do.
This is one of my favorite posts from you ever So much win everywhere. Though, that is not to say that I am glad that you went through the humiliation with school and Math. It is crazy how we both experienced it with math. But that was where the potential for humiliation really existed, especially when they would pass out those cards with the answers on them, and the teachers would read out the equation, and the child with the right answer would have to stand up. I fucking HATED that sort of thing, because it was a lot of pressure, and if you did not know the answer, and stand up, you would be looked upon like some sort of fool when it was eventually discovered that you did hold the card with the answer on it. This is my problem with schools - the one size fits all bullshit. Shy children, and children or teenagers with anxiety disorders are forced to be put on the spot, as well as read aloud, or give presentations under the explanation that we all have to do it later on it life, as far as work goes, so you need to get used to it and have experience of it in school. But that is bullshit, especially when it comes to shy kids or kids with anxiety disorders, which are only made worse by stuff like that. I wish you had raised me. I would still be me, I feel. But so much stronger and at peace with myself. I completely and fucking utterly agree with you about teenage rebellion. People think that is just the way things are, and they put it down to hormones, and one's need to test the boundaries of social norms to see where they fit in and where they don't. But that is bullshit. You said it best - they don't rebel when they have nothing to rebel against.
I don't know what it is about humans when they get older.. they forget. They forget that when they were the angriest or saddest, they were being disrespected or the adults in their lives were committed to misunderstanding them.. or not trusting them BECAUSE they were teenagers. Or they felt powerless. Or their feelings weren't taken seriously.. because as a teenager, how could your feelings possibly be valid? They promise themselves they'll never treat their kids that way.. until they have them and they think "well I turned out ok" and the cycle continues. Suddenly they can't see the world how they used to and their children suffer for it. Putting kids in their place is just the way it is.. something we HAVE to do once we're adults because it was done to us. It's our job to forget. We're living in a time where being ourselves, thriving as ourselves, accepting everyone for who they are is actually progress, not blasphemy. Accept when it comes to kids. Kids seem to be the last on the list. Sure there are peaceful parenting movements.. things are far better AND far worse when it comes to parenting and how kids are respected in general by everyone. But they still aren't protected and they're still seen as lesser than and their futures are still threatened if they aren't perfect. Still forced into horribly uncomfortable and even dangerous situations on the daily and told to chalk it up to life lessons.. "this is the real world, you better get used to it now". It's preperation?? lol.. when do adults go through what kids do on a daily basis without quitting their jobs or getting the police involved?? lol. When do kids get to come out of THEIR closets, y;know? They have so much to deal with as it is.. including those hormones lmao, the adults in their lives should be the soft landing, not the hurdles. Yet people like me are seen as neglectful. No matter how well rounded they are, they MUST be disrespectful and dumb because I don't take their power away from them lol. Oh well. I can't save them all, as much as I SO wish I could. Maybe some day equality for all will be the truth. PS: had I raised you, you would have been much worse off lmao.. babies definitely shouldn't be raising babies lol. I came close as it was when I had my first. and thank you huge compliment coming from you
My sister and I have spoken about this before - about how adults forget shit. We were talking about it in the context of parenting. So many parents are really hard on their kids just because the kids are being kids, forgetting that they were once kids too and wanted the very same things that they are depriving their own children of. It is weird. My sister is one of the only parents I know who treats her children with compassion, in large part to the fact that she remembers what it was like being a child. I completely agree with you about teenagers. Another subject that my sister and I have spoken about It is way too easy to feed people bullshit and have them buy it because it sounds good, or sounds like it makes sense, so then they don't look into it with their own life experience, or their own eye. That's that group think mentality that has the world so messed up today. Kids are almost always the last on the list, and then parents wonder why their kids want to shoot them when they grow up lol. The adults in their lives are usually so fucked up themselves that they are not in any position to lend compassion, understanding, and patience. It can be a n awful cycle. Lmao!! I very much doubt it. My mother is a mess. She does a lot for me and I am grateful for that, but I don't like her, and I do not resonate with her. She is a mess with a fuck load of issues that result - and resulted - in her doing all of the things that we spoke about previously, whereas you understand how detrimental those things are to children or people in general. I see the way she is with my younger siblings and it is so depressing, and if I say anything, it gets ignored.
You know.. I'm starting to see a pattern with us lol. Our upbringing and experiences are awfully similar. Every time you speak of your mother I wonder how my mother has pulled off a double life this whole time. Crazy Air Miles maybe?? lmao. I'm glad your sister remembers though. I didn't at first.. I mean I did, but I selfishly didn't apply it to my own children.. just felt sorry for myself when I remembered how I was raised by my weirdo mother lol. Thankfully they were still little when the lightbulb went on though.. I was sheep parenting. Playing by the unwritten parenting playbook. Parenting = power and power exists only by taking it. I was nowhere near what I see in others, but it was enough of a start for me that I was disgusted that I wasn't seeing them as free beings that deserve to grow up as exactly and only themselves. I thought I did.. as many probably think they do, but nope. So many nopes. Most parenting and all schooling does not allow for that. Thank your sister for me lol.. I love hearing about the children out there who have parents that remember. And who do I have to bribe around here to get a permanent edit button ??? Whenever I come back and go over my last post I cringe lol.
We are quite similar as people too - even though you are a shameful heterosexual lol - and I don't know if that is because of the similarities in how we were reared, or if things would have been that way anyway. A double life, lmao!!! No, I understand. Society kind of conditions us to see children as less than, so even though you may remember what it was like to be a child, we have that whole thing about children being less than in our minds. So when they do things that may annoy us, there is that hierarchy, which adds another perspective to the whole interaction, and I think that that often thwarts deeper empathy, and an ability to exhibit compassion. I just read the part about sheep parenting, and I am like that is exactly what I am talking about lol. And again, you have just described why teenagers rebel, because they are being suffocated by those who are supposed to love them, along with the authority figures in schools too. Not to mention any unique issues that any one teenager may be dealing with at the same time. LOL. My sister will be thrilled, as she is a very sensitive parent, and the praise will do her good LMAO, me too. Some of the typos I make are reprehensible. You can only edit posts within ten minutes of posting.
I couldn't have said it any better.. that's exactly right. Thankfully my kids don't remember the very early years.. not that I was a bad mother. I distinctly remember feeling "this isn't right" when doing what we're "supposed" to do. Sending them to their room, for instance. Time outs. Even parents like us will see things differently in the discipline department though. I just live by the whole "do unto others" thing. Most don't apply that to children. I don't agree with punishment (not even for adults, unless they hurt someone). Guidance is all humans need. Punishment is for monsters. The turning point was after I had sent my youngest to school. As a little one with Autism it was all so overwhelming for him and he would come home and meltdown/rage every single day. It was a horror show for him. He didn't want to be there and it was too much. My mother works in the school system and I remembered all the training for special needs. When I used their approaches with my son.. the textbook approaches that are standard practice.. I felt sick. I hated myself and it made things worse with my son. It was then that I made the connection.. if this were me, how would I feel. If I were so flipping mad and scared and overwhelmed all at once, what would I need? What would I NOT need. And from that day forward, he's been a different child. Not only did I shut down the biz and take him out of school, but I gave him his power back and he's been the most positive, happy boy ever since. Not one "behavioural issue" since (don't get me started on that term lol). We've earned his trust and respect back.. both of them. My youngest has told me countless times since, he wants to be more like me because I'm so kind and loving. I point out every time that he and his brother have been my inspiration because they're already kind and loving, they were born that way as all humans start out; they've taught me the very best things about myself. Not to toot my own horn, but we weren't on that path in the beginning. They are completely and totally themselves because we gave them their power back. I'm so unbelieveably proud of them and what they've done with it.. afterall, it's their's to do with what they wish. NObody else's. You don't need to take power to guide someone.. it's insulting and degrading. My kids will never learn that way and they'll "turn out fine" to continue this new cycle of peace and respect with their own children You have some lucky kids in your family.. your sister is passing down an amazing gift that will create a long line of citizens society desperately needs more of.
I agree that guidance is all human being need, but the key is to get there early. When you meet a damaged person and you try to guide them - and not in an arrogant way - they are often so conditioned by their skepticism of people and life, that it does not matter how much guidance, compassion, love, or patience you show them, they are simply not in the right heads pace - or world view space - to receive those sentiments, and so it is like an awful circle of misery for them. But it is what they know, so paradoxically it is safe. Punishment is all a lot of adults know, and we wonder why they see themselves as monsters, and then we wonder why they do monster-like things. It is like one big pattern, that few are willing to investigate and actively look to break. Awwwwwwww, that is sooo freaking sweet!!!! <3 <3 <3 That is some of the very best feedback that any parent could ever wish to get from their child or children!!! Case in point, regarding the fact that all humans start out that way!!! Not only is it insulting and degrading, but when you try to guide someone from a place of stealing their power, that trust is not going to be there, and neither is that belief in self. The power that is taken away from them could be used to guide them more effectively. With my sister, she had to be that way with her first son. He is EXTREMELY emotionally intelligent!! She is the same, so she knows how to approach that, and how she would want to be treated. Her other children are emotionally intelligent too, much more than a lot of the adults that I know, strangely enough. Literally, I find it really boring or depleting to have conversations with adults who are not emotionally intelligent. It is one of my main turn offs, because it means we can't connect in any sort of way that is meaningful.
I know a lot of people like dipping their french fries in ice cream, and even though I don't do it personally I can understand why they think it's good. Initially I thought only people in my area did that but I've heard of people in other countries speak the same on youtube when talking about the new chocolate covered fries. I am curious to try it out actually so hopefully someday they do offer it here, as I think it will sell very well.
These combinations may not be ideal healthwise. however. don't be surprised because there are many other combinations of food that would make some people squirm. Take, for instance, some people fry insects like cockroaches and glazing them in chocolate and eat them.
I prefer eating my chocolate the old good classic way. Nowadays there are all kinds of chocolate treats and recopies. They just place chocolate on anything. Chocolate sauce on fries... I'm not eating that.
