Do You Ever Feel You Are Getting The Short End Of The Stick Every Time You Help Someone?

Discussion in Misc & Others started by CJVee • May 24, 2016.

  1. CJVee

    CJVeeNew Member

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    Are you the type of person that will do for other before you even thought about the situation? But at the end of it all. When it was all said and done. You feel like you have not been treated fairly for the selfless act you done. Such as someone that is close to you is in dire need of a place to stay. You think well I have room why not stay will me until you can get an apartment. The understanding is this: This person is only suppose to stay for 6 weeks until their apartment is ready. Little do you know the situation spiral out of control resulting in this person staying for more than 6 weeks but 2 months! This person doesn't try to offer their help with food or utilities even though you don't ask to. Its just the thought and effort for them to. This person feels and show they are with in their right to be in your home at this time. He or She are not in a big rush to leave. They have to be on an oxygen tank and a breathing treatment machine every day. During his or her stay they make you feel like they want to run your house hold by getting in your family business and making thing worst. This person looks at your vehicle like a cab they can throw a few dollars here or there and that it should move when he or she think it should. But the whole time this person is in our home they claim is they are broke but they have no bills to really pay! But you are broke. Mighty funny you can find money to get you a little bottle when you want one. Tell me what you think.

    Do you ever find yourself in situations like this. Are you a very kind heart person that will give the shirt of your back when someone needs it?
     
  2. explorerx7

    explorerx7Active Member

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    I have met upon situations like you have u have disclosed, however, experience in life should tell you that you will meet people who will be unfair and try to exploit you in any way they may be able to.You should not feel that you have been hard done but be feeling good about yourself that you were able to be of help to someone in spite of the adversities.
    If you should have to do something like this again I suggest you set out the ground rules at the beginning and endeavour to stand by them.
     
  3. xTinx

    xTinxWell-Known Member

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    Well I have no qualms about helping other people but I do what I can to help without fostering dependence. Once I detect that someone is actually abusing the kindness I've offered, I do not hesitate to express what I feel about his or her actions. I may even go so far as launching an all-out tirade about the dangers of dependency and the need to be self-empowered so that one can rely on oneself when everyone else is preoccupied with their own problems.
     
  4. Denis Hard

    Denis HardWell-Known Member

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    I think you should help someone only when you can. If you can't afford to help that person then don't. Or if you want to help someone because you expect them to be grateful, don't because after you help people they'll most likely forget what you did for them. When helping someone expect nothing in return. Doesn't matter if it's money you lend them with the promise that you'll get it back.

    My advice? If you can't afford to lose your money, keep it in your wallet.
     
  5. sidney

    sidneyWell-Known Member

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    I think that is always a risk when you try to help people, like some people tend to abuse the help that is being given to them. I think to counter that, you should call them out about it. You should confront them and tell them that you do mind and they are becoming a burden so that you won't get abused.
     
  6. Moroccanbeauty2266

    Moroccanbeauty2266Active Member

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    I am very familiar with the situation you described. I have been in the spot of helping someone wholeheartedly like financially, with food, babysitting, looking for an apartment for them, etc. but one time really upsetted me because I bought her food for 30 Euros because she complained about not having any food at home and she has 4 kids, so I brought it to her place and I was so shocked to see that her fridge was already completely full. It hurt but I just tried to put on a smile anyway. I believed her, I helped her with whatever I could at the time but after that I became very distant (thsi is what I always do when I feel hurt by someone) and more cautious.
    I would say if you want to help someone then do it without expecting anything back. Because otherwise you will only be disappointed if you expect too much. Try to keep a balance. If you see a beggar on the street who is begging for money and asking you to help him. Think about yourself real quick and ask yourself: Does your family have enough to eat today? How much money do I have right now and if I give them some of it would my family suffer from it or not?
    If I have some change and am not completely broke I would give them some but most of the time I would give them something to eat instead because I never know what they end up doing with the money even though it is none of my business.
    There was a time in my life where I had no where else to go and stayed with some friends of mine who invited me to live with them for 6 months and told me that they do not want me to pay rent. A couple weeks passed by and they started to get really weird, demanding me to pay rent and accusing me that I do not care about things, etc. at the time, I hardly had enough money myself and I always bought groceries for all of us whenever I had money. I ended up only staying with them for 2 months because things became really uncomfortable and luckily I did find an apartment. Of course, I am thankful they helped me but it was quite irritating that they changed their mind all of a sudden. It's like hey don't say you want to help me but in reality you don't want to.....I admit it can be tricky at times. Just make sure you give without expecting too much back and that you set your own boundaries to protect yourself. If you still helping that friend then it might be time to sit together at the table and talk things through and show how you feel.Be nice about it though.
     
  7. Krissttina Isobe

    Krissttina IsobeWell-Known Member

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    I agree with Denis and it's good to help if you can. I understand that in life we all need help now and then. But in your situation it's best to discuss things with the people that you're trying to help because your financially can't support them any longer and you got to let them know about it and let them know too that the library has free computer use with a library card. On the internet there's a lot of help for people. First to check at benefits.gov...food stamps or EBT card first off, homeless shelter information etc...online has lots of information.
     
  8. DreekLass

    DreekLassWell-Known Member

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    Well the trouble is that some people tend to resent the help that people offer them because the help itself makes them feel powerless to be able to help or save themselves. Then the helper is the one who has to endure the abuse and wrong-doing. So I would definitely say something if I was you, especially if money is involved. If you allow people to treat you any old way. rest assured that they will, regardless of whether or not they are family, friends, or strangers.
     
  9. HealthAndVitality

    HealthAndVitalityMember

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    This is a hard lesson for many people because they assume that every person that cries, is actually crying real tears. There a lot of people who just seek for sympathy, it is not because that they are helpless, it's simply because they don't want to try and they know that someone else will listen and have pity on them and help them out. I say this all the time, do not get involved in someone else' problems merely from an emotional point of view. Sit down and get your brain from the sky and ask yourself whether this person actually needs to your help or they are just a trouble maker? The chances are that they are coming to you because you are an easy target. I always refuse to give beggars money when they stink of alcohol, I don't have to encourage their habit. So, analyze the situation before you jump into it because it is not always as bad as they sometimes make it out to be. I have heard your story over and over again and it saddens me to see that people cannot stop and look at a situation clearly enough before they jump into it.
     
  10. DreekLass

    DreekLassWell-Known Member

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    Seriously, this situation seems like an exercise in boundaries for you. People will trample all over your boundaries if you allow them to. We seem to get caught up in the while thing of, well this person should know not to do this or do that. But people are selfishly oriented. That is a fact and they will take things as far as you allow them to. If you don't tell people you are not okay with what they are doing, they will continue to do it.

    Now that money is involved it complicated the situation more. But sometimes you have to put yourself first. This person is going to have to start paying you, or leave.
     
  11. remnant

    remnantActive Member

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    When you help somebody, don't keep your eye on the negatives. Do it for the Lord up to where grace will permit you if the case of helping the person is still valid. Most people have what I call learned helplessness. When you host them, they are very civilised but soon turn into dependents. I know of a recent case of a teacher who hosted another for 3 months and despite the new teacher drawing a salary, he would not budge and balked when it came to sharing expenses. He was still behaving like a visitor doing the minimum he could to help around. The other teacher had to change his routine especially at meal times for the hosted to get the message and get his own house to rent.
     
  12. DiscountDreams

    DiscountDreamsActive Member

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    Nope. I just help people for the sake of helping them. That's all. If something comes of it, cool, that was awesome. Otherwise, I'm not going to stress about it :)
     
  13. steph84

    steph84Active Member

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    Yes! This happened to me earlier this year when my cousin asked me to watch her son for a reduced rate before he went into daycare. I agreed because she said it was going going to be for a month. Then she pushed it to two months and I don't even know how I lived on that income. I know...I didn't! I had to bust my butt online too.
     
  14. rosemoon

    rosemoonActive Member

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    Well I do help people whenever I can, especially if they're good friends of mine. However, things have recently spiraled out of control with one of my best friends. I sometimes used to help her do her homework in high school and I expected it would end once we got to college, but unfortunately she still has me help her. I don't mind offering guidance on some questions, but sometimes she just wants me to do it all for her. Plus today I helped her take an online test! I never ask for anything in return, but what bothers me (besides the fact that sometimes I'm busy and the last thing I want is to do extra homework) is that she's not actually learning anything. Sigh. I need to stop this unethical practice, but I don't know how to say no. She's my best friend after all...
     
  15. Corzhens

    CorzhensWell-Known Member

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    My husband used to be like that - over generous with people, be they friends or relatives. One time there was this friend of his who came with a girl needing a place to stay overnight. My husband readily agreed since we had a spare room. When the girl is getting settled in the room, that's the time we learned that she is the girlfriend of my husband's friend.... who happens to be married. Oh, I stood up to say sorry because what would the friend's wife say to me when she learns that we are coddling his wayward husband with the girl?

    Now my husband had learned his lesson and he has changed a lot. Even with lending money, he already knows how to refuse because of the so many sad experiences of friends borrowing and not paying him back.
     
  16. Jason76

    Jason76Active Member

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    From a practical POV, such unreliable borrowers are not saving you money. Nonetheless, though, some people believe that karma or God will pay them for the time and money lost. Also, many say that giving is good for the soul. Anyhow, if bad people turn you off giving, then what will happen when good people want to borrow? That would be a tragedy.
     
  17. moneymania

    moneymaniaActive Member

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    Well lately I have been on the receiving end of getting help, like when my pet was sick, my friend offered to take care of the bills and meds for me, and I greatly appreciate that. I am one to never abuse the kindness of others, and I don't even want to ask for help, although if I can help in my own little way I would gladly do so, without expecting anything in return. But if the person starts to show signs of abusing my kindness then it's time for me to tell him just that so that he knows where he stands and I'm not that willing to be used.
     
  18. larryl332

    larryl332Active Member

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    There is a saying that I like here - you cannot set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm. There is only so much you can do for people to the point where you forget about YOU.
     
  19. FolkArtist

    FolkArtistActive Member

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    I have been in these situations and have helped many people out for awhile like this-but they do tend to "wear out their welcome" as they say after they stay to long. They can actually accuse you of stealing their valuables and not pick up after themselves and act like you should wait on them for everything-like they own the house. You have to sit down and have a serious talk with them and take the appropriate actions sometimes.
     
  20. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66Active Member

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    I have felt like this in the past. I once knew a woman who was constantly borrowing off me but she was never willing to help me out. I only once asked her to accompany me for moral support in a situation I was unsure of but she said she was too tired.and needed a lie in. I learned my lesson from that and decided to sever ties with her. Best thing I ever did as some people are just users.