Do You Tell People You Love Them?

Discussion in Off Topic Discussion & General Questions started by TheViper • Dec 6, 2013.

  1. DreekLass

    DreekLassWell-Known Member

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    PS: I think that a part of the problem is that women reinforce this toxic masculinity, in that the nice guy finishes last. So men often get frustrated, and just turn into emotionless players/assholes because women seem to take to that more. Being an asshole/player and treating women like crap has become a part of what it means to be masculine - that dominance. A lot of women have bought into this idea, and they won't date a guy who treats them like they are a person, because they don't see a guy like that as being masculine enough. The lines are all kinds of tangled.
     
  2. JosieP

    JosiePWell-Known Member

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    And I see that as an age/maturity thing. That was a problem in high school and early twenties I suppose.. women choosing the bad guy because it was more rebellious and fun that way. But once you grow up, you start looking for what you need, rather than what might tick mummy and daddy off lol. Any adult man that is still complaining about nice guys finishing last, is either expecting too much of girls that are still in that dumb phase of life or they're the problem themselves. Whenever I got that line because I wasn't interested, I wasn't interested because they were way too intense off the hop or they were insecure in a very unattractive way lol.
     
  3. DreekLass

    DreekLassWell-Known Member

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    It may be a maturity thing for sure. You can have a woman in her late forties who still believes in strict gender roles, and sees a man who cries or expresses his emotions as weak. Some women want a geezer, and a geezer entails that hard-man act. I know a few women who have experienced their partner crying in front of them, and said that they were turned off by it. A few of them even said that they didn't know what to do - or how to react. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Would it really have killed them to offer a hug? People are strange. I don't think that it is natural for men to be as closed off as they are due to societal gender roles. But it is encouraged, mostly by other men. But by women too. I don't think it is an age thing. I think that it is for sure a maturity/lacking wisdom/sheeple mentality thing.
     
  4. JosieP

    JosiePWell-Known Member

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    Hahaa.. have I ever told you you're my fave poster or does that go without saying at this point lol. I agree 100%. It almost all comes down to maturity and in the "weak men's" case, standards. Or maybe everyone is still just waiting for someone they fell in love with in a movie once upon a time and until then, nobody will measure up. It's insanity all these unspoken "rules" in society that completely change the rolls we play and pass on to our kids. I still blame the 50s for almost all of our problems today though LOL.
     
  5. hanseung

    hanseungNew Member

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    I think saying 'I love you' to people has probably become extremely rare as the meaning behind those three words has become lost. 'I love my new phone', 'I love that celebrity' - love is such a commonly used word these days, so when someone says 'I love you', it doesn't seem like much. Personally, I actually find it really difficult to utter the words 'I love you' aloud to someone. It's a lot easier over text, but obviously doesn't mean as much as when it's said with your own mouth.
     
  6. DreekLass

    DreekLassWell-Known Member

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    Lolling!!!! I think that it is pretty clear that you are my favorite poster also ;) If it isn't, then I'm telling you now; you're my favorite poster. Sometimes I find myself thinking, 'I wonder what JosieP is doing now in her everyday life.' A tad stalkerish, but hopefully you'll see the compliment wrapped in there somewhere lmao!!!! From the women's standpoint, I think that lacking self-esteem has got a lot to do with it also. Even though this treatment feels wrong, women have just come to accept it as the way that it is, which I just cannot fathom. People don't even question it. The boxes that people put themselves in are illusions. Few look beyond the illusion. It is scary. I am always saying that anything can become social custom. If it is repeated enough times, then people will accept anything as normal. Well such things may be normal, but they are not natural. There's a huge difference.

    PS: They have only just discovered that many of the Vikings were actually women - a fact that they had glossed over in the past because they saw the corpses and the discarded army gear and just assumed that all of the Vikings were men -_-
     
  7. JosieP

    JosiePWell-Known Member

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    I think I've read that! So awesome.. there were few times in history women were seen as strong and respected immensely. Love it. It makes me wonder why though, which is sad. These things always bring me back to our baser instincts to question behaviour, but I suppose there are species where the female is dominant. Today there are just far to many people on the planet for us to say it's one way or the other. I know plenty of very strong, yet caring women. I know weak men. I know overly dominant men. I know weak women. But in whole.. women are getting stronger.. evolution is never quick. And it's never complete. Many women will stay in their submissive roles and many men will stay ooga booga lol. The majority will always contribute to the next generation's norm. Look at all the acceptance today.. so unheard of once upon a time, but now more and more people are like "why the hell wouldn't you accept that person for such a stupid reason you weirdo?".. for many many more, the negative human responses are slowly being wiped out and it's amazing to watch it within our life times :) We're getting further and further from our roots in great ways.. but we will always be animals at heart and that's why the struggle between the sexes will probably always exists. Once one starts to dominate, the other will find a way back up. I talk a lot.

    It's not hard to know what I'm doing in the morning, lady, but that didn't stop you from abandoning me in the other place! lol. I do see the compliment though haha, thank you :) xo
     
  8. DreekLass

    DreekLassWell-Known Member

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    I am not sure if it is the people that I am hanging around these days - even though it is the same people generally speaking - but women do appear to be getting stronger. I attribute it to do with the energy shift - evolution at en energy level. It is said that contrast will be more stark. If you are vibrating in a negative place, you will really feel it. Same with vibrating in a positive space. The middle ground will seem to shrink aas vibrational frequency grows more defined, which I can definitely identify with.

    I like that you talk a lot ;) The struggle for dominance is cool with me. It can be - dare I say it - fun. But when one has been dominant for so long, and it has and continues to manifest in harmful ways, then that is when the other sex needs to buck up their ideas. The problem is that the overly dominant behavior tends to reinforce the submissive behavior in a harmful way. I have no problem with anyone being submissive, but when it is expected to where there is no space for one to move within the illusionary box, then I have the problem.

    PS: LOL! You were in my thoughts. I'm glad we found one another again ;) You are more than welcome xXxXx
     
    #28Nov 14, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2014
  9. JosieP

    JosiePWell-Known Member

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    Well, much of it comes down to choice sadly.. what one expects of themselves, what one thinks they deserve.. their choices follow. I was less talking about our strengthening recently and more in viewing our timeline. Go back even just 20 years and especially a few decades further back.. or as far back as you want and women were dominated. There are places, as you know, still dominating the majority of their women.. to fear so much that you feel you must submit. So sad. In more current places, there just is no excuse. I'm not saying every woman can stand up and change things; but she can lol. I'm just saying, I know for many that would require one hell of a fight many don't have the energy or balls for and I've seen it happen that they weren't protected enough when they fought and ended up dead. Even with that in mind though, right down to our weakest link (unless so abused they're secluded or brainwashed), we're finally at a place we know the option and help is there and that regardless, we're bad ass. We can get the muscles if we want them.. good luck to them and the whole labour thing lol. Built like flipping tanks and we're owning it ;)
     
  10. DreekLass

    DreekLassWell-Known Member

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    We are so completely off topic; I love it lmao!! Yes, it is a very tricky game. Fighting for freedom is dangerous, especially when you live in a place where people genuinely believe in one's oppression, whether it be about skin color, gender, or sexuality. I'm very grateful to have been born in the UK. Very grateful. I agree, we are finally at a place where we are seeing that we have options, at least in the more liberal - or humane, I should say - places in the world. I am not attracted to women who are overly muscular, but a little bit of muscle is hot :) The contrast of smooth soft skin over hard muscle can be very... steamy lol. Muscular women are often told they look like men, and these days women are still bulking up, not giving a fuck what men or anybody else has to say about their bodies, regardless of the stigma. I love it. There is a way to be submissive without having your boundaries violated, and I think that the trick is learning that.
     
  11. wulfman

    wulfmanActive Member

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    I say it to my mom but not often. I don't use it much otherwise. I have trouble expressing my emotions but more importantly that word "love" carries a lot more weight with me than it does other people. I will only say it when I meet the right person. I won't say it just to say it. I really have to feel it.
     
  12. JosieP

    JosiePWell-Known Member

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    Oh c'mon.. when do we ever stay on topic! lol.

    There's too many paths we've all taken these days, it sends my brain on just as many trying to figure us all out. I just like how the majority has shifted and I'm curious to see if it stays on trend or if we'll slip back. Each generation tends to deviate from the last in one way or the other. Like, look at mothers. I'm one of millions that are going back a bit (and punished for it). I'm told all the time that our grandmothers fought for our right to vote and work alongside men when that isn't true at all.. they fought for us to have a *choice* when we didn't have one. They fought for us to go to work, if that's what we wanted but nowhere do I see a rule that says I'm not a worthy woman if I don't take advantage of it and out-earn my husband. Leave my children with strangers all day and risk our bond so I can be seen as equal to a man. We're not equal! My husband isn't equal to me either.. we both have our weaknesses and our strengths, but we should be treated as equals socially and in the work place.. equal human beings that is. Even if I believe in the old ways of staying home with the kids. I'm a mother.. working doesn't compete with that for me, but I am forever grateful to those women for allowing me to grow up in a time where I have the choice and ability to contribute to my home financially and especially if something were to happen to my husband. We may be taking on old fashioned rolls.. but not so much that we're unequal. It stops at what I choose to do with my life which isn't unworthy in the least; it's an extremely important roll.. I'm still my own person and he's my partner, not my keeper. I did it again LOL blah blah yackity.. and we're off track again.
     
    #32Nov 15, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2014
  13. DreekLass

    DreekLassWell-Known Member

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    Not really no :)

    I think that each generation tends to become more open-minded. Like, even in places where thing are more restricted, I think that the newer generations tend to be more open-minded, and more cognizant of the wrongs that go on in their society, even if they don't say anything. I think that they at least feel and think that the way of life up until that point is off. Some have the courage to say and do something about it, but the majority don't for fear of admonishment.

    I am so happy that you know the facts, so that no one can actually make you feel bad for not going to work and choosing to be a mother. Choice is everything. What was the point in women fighting if the choice is still not there for us? If we are forced to stay at home, we have no choice. If we are forced to go to work and work alongside men then we also have no choice. That seems to be what everyone is missing, even today. Women who stay at home to raise their children do get a lot of shit for it. It's really annoying. How many times do we hear about children in nursery or school being abused by teachers and whatnot? I'd rather mothers raise their children at home. Too many people have accepted that strangers are going to essentially raise their children, and then they moan when the children are fucked up or when they lash out.
     
  14. JosieP

    JosiePWell-Known Member

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    Yes, exactly. I get that there are children who don't fall through the cracks or suffer for being a part of the system.. but they're outnumbered. Not many people are going to come up to me and tell me I'm screwing up my children, but online, it's no holds barred LOL. I'm screwing up my kids, I'm not qualified to teach, they're going to be social outcasts etc etc etc etc. (not me personally.. these are the things said about homeschooling in general). Meanwhile, I can tell within 30 seconds if a child goes to school or not lol. Getting off point.

    The same with voting, right? Gawd do I get backlash for not voting. Same thing. Women fought long and hard for me to be able to vote. Again, they fought for me to have the RIGHT to vote. The choice. And I have as much right to complain when things go south in our country as a voter. MORE so if you're the one who voted the effer in.. "I told you so" comes to mind lol. I should be forced to vote for someone I don't believe in? I don't think any government will ever get it right.. I should vote anyway? No thanks. When you put the people up there, I'll vote lol.

    What about abortion? The saying isn't "My body, my forced abortion". We fight for the right to choose what happens to our bodies instead of allowing a group of men to decide for us. Just because we fight to be able to abort, doesn't mean all women have to abort out of respect now lol.
     
    #34Nov 16, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2014
  15. DreekLass

    DreekLassWell-Known Member

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    Type into Google, 'Going to school makes,' and look at the list of things that comes up in Google's predictive text. Going to school makes many children feel like that. It is so sad. I remember the anxiety that I used to feel when going to school in the morning. In fact, as the evening dwindled with me knowing that the hours until I was back at school were shortening, my anxiety used to increase. I hated school. The teachers were absolute bastards - flawed human beings - just like me, who had no right imposing their views on me, or any of the other students. Some of my most panicked moments were experienced at school. I may have developed my social phobias due to those experiences actually. Or at the very least, the ailment was exacerbated by those experiences.

    I wouldn't go back to school if someone paid me. Looking back on some of my tun-ins with teachers, I understand that they were perhaps just going through something in their own lives, but that is no excuse for their behavior.

    Your children are lucky that you home school them. They know that the person who is teaching them cares about them. It is not just a job to you. You are their mother, and you care about them.

    Don't even get me started on the voting BS -_- I definitely hear you. It's like a child with a new toy. Now that the child has a new toy, the child feels like they have to play with that toy, and that toy only, out of respect. Of course that is silly, because then you are in the same place that you started up in - unable to make an intuitive choice.
     
  16. JosieP

    JosiePWell-Known Member

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    Oh my goodness.. I just did the google thing. I mean, I always knew it, but it's sad to see it as top choices on a search engine. Wow. School is such risky business.. you don't know when you send a child if they'll thrive or not and it doesn't matter anyway, because you're forced to live everyone else's way and provide in a way that takes your children from you most of the time. The government raises our children! How scary is that?? And they don't know the first thing about children or how they learn or education in general.. but they're in charge of it all. Makes absolutely no sense. And it's the standard everyone holds up to people like me and that's an absolutely revolting comparison considering my kids are home, in part, because I don't believe the government does it right at all! lol.. of course I do it differently and of course I'm not "qualified to teach"; that would be a joke. I hate watching kids suffer and school is at the heart of most of it. Don't get me started on the parents that cause it though lol. School and most parents are exactly why I homeschool.. my kids will be given the opportunity to be and do what they want and live with the respect I always wished adults gave kids when I was one myself. Now my kids will experience the life I wished existed while I was slaving away in school or grounded in my bedroom lol. I'm their mother.. I'm far more qualified to raise my children thankyouverymuch :p All children deserve to be raised with respect and trust and that is not the case for schooled children.. whether they survive it or not! lol
     
    #36Nov 19, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2014
  17. DreekLass

    DreekLassWell-Known Member

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    Yeah, I saw the search engine thing on Tumblr last year. It had over 200,000 reblogs and notes. So it looks like we're not the only ones who can see a problem with the schooling system. I had always known it too, just from my own personal experiences with state schooling. Many parents will send their kids off to private school, thinking that that is the best option, or thinking that that will eliminate some of the risk. But any time you send your child away, you have less control over their shaping - academically and otherwise - than you otherwise would have had. It is definitely tricky.

    With what I know about the government, and their true intentions, is it s VERY scary thing that the government raises and shapes the minds of tomorrow. I saw a video the other day, and it was talking about how vaccines are just a way to train parents to give over their children to the state, from an early age. People will always ridicule that which is different, as the two of us were talking about the other day. But just because people who follow the quota don't understand, that doesn't mean that you aren't doing the best thing for your children!!!

    I am not sure whether or not I survived state schooling. Lol. Seriously. I may be alive, but I am not sure if my psyche survived it.
     
  18. JosieP

    JosiePWell-Known Member

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    Yep, that's what I meant.. whether they survived it in the head or not lol. I didn't. I was the straight A student that lost the grades because I skipped classes to get away from the herd. I needed the down time because there was just so much sensory overload and social pressure and academic pressure. I could control it in my personal hours, but in school it's all forced and uncomfortable and the adults don't trust you or think you're capable of breathing without them and even then I felt degraded.. who were they to tell me who I needed to be or what I needed to learn? So many years wasted on things you never really use again.... huh?? lol. Now that we're older we can see exactly why we weren't meant for school.. but I had no idea back then. I thought I was the bad guy or lazy because anxiety didn't exist back then lol. I fell through the cracks. I would love to go back and have a sit down with them though.. show them I taught myself far more than any school could and all children can do the same if people would just trust them and loosen their death grip on them.
     
  19. deansaliba

    deansalibaActive Member

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    I don't tell people I love them and it is something that has caused problem in relationships over the years. The reason I don't is because when I was younger and told my girlfriends I loved them they would make jokes about it with their friends and it left me very embarrassed and humiliated and thus I don't say it anymore.
     
  20. DreekLass

    DreekLassWell-Known Member

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    Are you fucking kidding me???????? Why do I seem to be your identical lesbian twin as far as life and family characteristics goes????? I was also a very promising student - mostly in all of the top sets for all classes, and I began to skip whole school days in Year 10/11. I was just exhausted by the entire daily experience. I'd come home and just crash, not waking up until it was time to go to school the next morning. I couldn't handle that oh so exhausting sensory overload or the social pressure either. So I stopped going. They sent my mother letter after letter, threatening to take her to court if she didn't start making me go. But I didnt give a fuck at that point. I was DONE!!! She was at work when I did it anyway. Most of the time I'd hide in the garages behind my childhood house until she was gone, and then sneak back into the house. Or I'd go to school, do a lesson or two, and then walk home. I still passed all of my lessons in the end, because I'd been studying at home, when I wasn't listening to self-help guidebooks and drinking mugs of coffee before my desktop computer.

    Seriously, why the fuck are they still teaching kids about Henry the 8th? Is that mo'fo going to help kids with taxes when they're older? I don't think so. It's almost like the system wants the masses to fail when it comes to the important survival stuff in life. Maybe it's to make us more reliant on the government. Great way to maintain control.

    Just think, some people don't figure out the why's or the how's for their intolerance for school. Or for their adolescent behavior. You and I know ourselves in that respect, and I suppose that we are lucky. Some people don't figure themselves out and just carry on through life thinking that they suck :(

    I think you need to find all of the teachers that are still around, from when you were at school, and punch them :D