I am sure that others have experienced this as well. But I am going to ask anyway. Have you ever encountered someone who offers you gifts as a way of control over you? Let me explain: My mother is and can be very manipulative. she doesn't do it in an overly malicious manner; she thinks she is doing good. But being as sensitive to energy as I am, I always feel that her intentions in giving these gifts are not pure. It is almost like she has to play the hero? But then shortly after you have taken whatever it is that she is offering, she will try to make you feel bad about not doing things for her, or make you feel bad about not appreciating her. This has been a theme with my mother. She plays the hero and then plays the victim and she manages to do this through being the most financially stable out of me, her, and my older sister. Do you know anyone who uses gifts to wield control over, or manipulate, people?
First, a question: Supposing you tell a kid, "if you're going to be a good girl, I'll buy you a gift." That is, if the kid is on their best behavior, they'll get a gift from you. Technically that means the kid must do something [which is good for them] in order to get a gift. If this would be classified as using a gift [or the promise of one] as a means to get someone to do something then I'm guilty of using gifts for that purpose.
Good point. To me that is also manipulative of a parent, although I am pretty sure that most adults have bribed children in this way. I believe that it teaches children to do as they are told, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Where it can go bad is when the child is only doing things to get positive feedback and praise from those that reared them. that just crates people who do things to make other people happy, instead of doing what makes them happy. Parenting is tricky.
o I'm guilty for doing this. For telling my child she has to be good, or clean her room or something if she wants anymore gifts. I guess if you have to do something to get the gift then it is not really a gift. I never thought about it that way before. I might have to watch how I word things now.
You also make some great points. Bribery is not a nice thing in and of itself. But most parents do it, thinking that they are teaching their children a good thing. What they are really teaching their children is that if you are a people pleaser, you will have and get nice things. BUT you won't necessarily be happy, because you are ALWAYS looking for exterior approval, instead of looking for approval from yourself, which don't particularly make a happy human being. But where is goes really sour is when it turns into a power thing? I am not sure if I described it correctly in my original post. But I can feel that my mothers intentions are not pure. She expects things back when she gives me 'gifts' which is why I don't ever really like to take gifts from her in the first place. She is very manipulative in a way that is very transparent.
