One of my gal-pals is notorious for setting up situations where her friends have to pay for stuff they don't want. Example - she invited us all to a restaurant, but failed to explain how she ordered food ahead a time for us to try. By the end of the meal, we each ended up spending at least $50 a plate. This establishment is more of a $20 plate deal. To me, her behavior is rude. However, trying to get her to understand this is hard. She has a victim mentality and takes criticism way too personally.
Just don't pay for her things. Don't buy her stuff. If she really doesn't understand then there probably isn't hope in making her understand. If she is making you pay for stuff you don't want to pay for then don't be friends with them or just don't go out anywhere with them. They'll be less likely to ask you for stuff then.
That's just horrible! Well if it has already happened then just be careful next time. It's not good if you keep quiet about it because that will makes her think that everything is fine and it's okay to do it again next time. If she invites again then let her know ahead of time that you only have this much amount of money to spend and no more than that. She will probably think and be more careful that way.
Wait wait, she ordered the food for all of you? That's not really nice of her. I would have honestly told her straight up that I "wouldn't be paying for the food, its out of my budget and I prefer to pick my own food because I know what I can afford." I'm pretty straightforward when it comes to money because its really hard to come by, you know the old saying "money doesn't fall from trees."
Wow, really? If she was going to order food in advance, that would be awesome.... but it should've been her treat. She can't expect other people to pay for that. Does she do this regularly?
Desperate times call for desperate measures . . . Sorry for using that clichéd catchphrase but fact is times are hard. For almost everyone. If a 'friend' expects you to waste your hard-earned cash then you can either choose to play nice and retain her friendship or stand firm by refusing to pay for what she expects you to pay for and cut her entirely out of your life. I'm not saying this can be easy but when circumstances call for making hard decisions, you have to.
I certainly wouldn't stand for that sort of situation. In the example you gave, if your friend took it upon herself to order for all of you without consulting you, then you can bet that she would have to take it upon herself to pay for everyone. YOU didn't order anything so they can't make you pay for it. In any case, I'd distance myself from that "friend".
It sounds like this type of behavior has happened on more than one occasion. Plain and simple I would just stop hanging out with her, she'll get the picture and if she doesn't then I don't think losing her friendship is a great loss to you. I don't mean to sound harsh but I hate when other people--even worse when it's a friend or family member--try to spend your money for you. My thinking has always been we all deal with our finances individually, I buy what I want and can afford and have no desire helping others (when it is done in the manner your friend did it) finance their wants.
Yeah, that's nasty from her, if she has a lot of money and she wants to spend it, just ask for separate accounts, we should not be forced to spend what we don't want or in some cases what we don't have. I'd talk to her to make sure that would not happen again.
Yea, that's pretty scummy. Especially if the food she's ordering is $50 a plate, then she should offer to treat everyone. That's pretty bad that she ordered for everyone and then expects people to pay out a huge tab at the end of the night. Maybe if you were expecting that sort of price-tag, then it would be slightly different. But even then, I know if I was spending that much on one meal that I would want to get what I wanted to eat.
Unfortunately I usually cave in. They don't make me spend THAT much, but still my budget is stretched a little further than I would like because of it. I set aside some for disposable income anyway, so more often than not it just comes out of that.
Sounds like it's time for an intervention to me. That's not normal friend behavior. If they keep it up or fail to listen to reason, I would consider severing the friendship, or at the very least, no longer going out to eat with this person.
I don't think I have a friend like that! And if I did they probably would not be my friend for too long. I have been on a tight budget for several months now and having a friend who makes me spend too much money is definitely not something sustainable for me right now. But in that case I would definitely have a pep talk with them explaining my budget and why I cannot spend money. People that are wealthier rarely understand why some other people cannot spend as much money as they can. I know that because I'm from a well off family and I know how it is to have no budget. It's hard on those cases to understand people that are on a budget, because you've never been through that. So the best thing is to make them understand that you are on a budget because you need to be not because you are being difficult.
What if your spending limit had been $35? Or less? Would she have come up with the difference if credit cards got declined? The funny thing is that I saw this exact behavior on an old sitcom where the secretary from hell went overboard in re-vamping an office. This type of personality needs to be fired if they are not willing to listen to reason.
I don't think I'd be friends with her for very long if she were my acquaintance. I'd maybe allow it once or twice especially if I'm feeling a bit more loose with my budget, but if it happens regularly enough then I would cease to enable the behavior. I'd try to understand it as much as possible, such as trying to see if I can get to the source of her problem and maybe help her solve it. If I really can't get through her, then I'd maybe try doing the same action to her and hopefully make her realize how it feels, and if even that fails, then I would probably just count that relationship as a loss.
I can understand that behavior. My uncle is the same way. When my grandmother was alive, she would take the family out to dinner for her birthday at somewhere fairly inexpensive and treat us all. But a few years ago, my uncle insisted that we all pay for our own dinner, which is understandable since we were going somewhere affordable. But the following year, he decided that we would go to an expensive seafood place. I would personally rather spend the money on a gift for my grandmother than on a meal that I could do without. But I didn't want to not show up for her birthday dinner either, figuring that would be rude. So I went, prepared to spend the money on dinner. Luckily my sister ended up paying for my dinner. I would rather have gone somewhere less expensive, I did appreciate her for doing so.
I can be vindictive and vengeful, so I would have said "You ordered shrimp pad thai?! I'm allergic to shrimp AND peanuts! You're trying to kill me!" and then I would have stormed out of there without paying for anything. I don't have any food allergies that I'm aware of, but I would have said that to punish her for being so arrogant as to order for me and try to pressure me to spend. I would not go out with someone like that again.
I hate friends who are like this, who would grind you to your weakness, who would tempt you, and who will not help you in good ways. I have a friend who always make me spend a lot of money on foods. It's not just about the money that I am concern. It's also about my weight and nutrition. But she insists so well, that I am always left weak and I always give in. It makes me really hate her and hate myself. I avoid friends who are like this, but in most cases they are the friends who are really fun to be with!
If I were you I would not hang out with her anymore and I will always make an excuse not to come when she invites me out, and I hope with my consistent refusal, then she will get the hint that I don't want to associate with her anymore.. Or she will think that I'm just extremely busy.. I don't want a friend that is inconsiderate.
I would be so upset. I have a friend who is sort of like that. One year we were planning on going on a road trip but didn't really know where. She went ahead and decided that we would all go on a cruise and it was very expensive, almost $800. And when we told her that's not going to happen, she told us we were being little cheapskates.
